Thursday, December 26, 2013

Ephesians 6:10-18

I’ve been sitting here quiet, in my chair from my favorite place in the world right now.  Colorado.  Such blessed and painful memories.  But, enough about that, for now let me tell you about the quiet and my Christmas.  There has been much fear and depression clawing at my heart.  I can literally in my spirit feel the battle of Satan trying to steal my joy and rest.  I won’t lie to you; I have doubted God.  Me, the daughter who has seen His glory, yet daily seems to forget some of the most monumental moments of His grace.  I doubted.  I, the once seemingly strong warrior daughter, have lost, or forgotten some of my deepest dreams.  Or should I say, more rather lost my passion for my dreams.  So here I sit, quiet.  Listening to Philips, Craig, and Dean sing their praise to Jesus.  How I long to know my Jesus again, better, more fully.  I want to be so full of abundant life.  Full of graciousness.  Yet, so often my heart is hard toward the very people I long to care for.  Ironic?  Yes.  This is what I long for Jesus to break me free from.  I wish some days He would just shatter the walls and make me brilliantly loving, like Him.  It’s funny though, I have to play my part as well.  I say I love Him?  That’s wonderful, but when my life is filled with everything but Him, there is very little room for Him to work.  It is so easy for me to get lost in a movie, in tv shows, in good books even.  He longs to have my full heart.  I long to know His heart.  So, here I sit.
I’m sure there will be days when very little of what I have written makes sense, but I’m finding that that is perfectly ok.  God knows what I’m writing, and He understands what I write even better than I do.  I have a large thing on my heart today; so my prayer is that what I write here will only bless and encourage.  I pray that the words I write bring only God-filled life to people, and that if there is anything that is not of God in what I have written, that God will protect anyone reading this from anything that is not of Him.  

 I got to cry again last night.  I got so tired of the depression and fear clawing me deep.  I got so tired of feeling lonely.  I got so tired of the drowning.  And, last night, He gave me rest.  But, I have to tell you; I woke up with it again this morning.  The deep, aching, lonely, tearing grasp of fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of man, ravishing dark fear.  Did I pray wrong yesterday?  No.  But it shows me the reality of the spiritual battle.  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12).  That spirit of accusation I sometimes feel?  From that person I love or someone in authority over me?  Oh, how wonderful that I’m not fighting against flesh and blood!  That spirit of anger, of depression, or lonely.  Those are not of God.  You see that it said, “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil”?  Satan has authority in this world, and he’s trying to tear every relationship, everything that is good, all my joy, away from me.  He fights to make me doubt, to make me refute God.  But, my God, the Creator, the Mighty Warrior, Alpha and Omega?  He already WON.  This is truth.  My head knows this, yet my heart quakes for fear that I don’t quite get it.  But, you see that theme?  The fear?  That fear is not of God.  For perfect love casts out fear.  How I long to rest in that perfect love.  Many days I wish there were simply some kind of quick fix that would make me understand right away.  I see this as an outcome of our society today, the instant gratification factor.  God is not instant rice.  Never was, never will be.  He is so good, so vastly pure and truthful, so forever loving.  None of us, as humans would be able to take it all in if He showed us completely who He is in one moment.  I don’t think we could humanly handle His glory.  There is no quick fix in Jesus.  This walk with Him, is lifelong.  It is painful, but blessing filled.  So, the thought on my mind today, with everything that I’ve been fighting is this.  “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the Strength of His Might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  THEREFORE, take up the WHOLE armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In ALL circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of Salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.  To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for ALL the saints.” (Ephesians 6:10-18).
Claiming this today as a Daughter of the Only King! 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Psalm 32:8

It was that moment in not being able to sing that made her stop, stop and finally listen to some of the words of the Christmas songs.  “Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother; and in His name all oppression shall cease.”  “Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinner reconciled.”  “What a glorious mystery: Once a babe in Bethlehem, now the Lord of history.”  She listened, silent, wishing to sing, feeling conspicuous.  Those around her sang on, finally coming to the last song, the one about candles.  “Take your candle, go light your world.”  Those words, so true…but she ached deep, feeling that she had little that would shine bright.  How could her life, at times so muddy and messy, bring light?  Thoughts kept pouring in; in the silence of not being able to sing, she was reminded of the spiritual battle.  That the father of all lies was doing his best to steal her joy, to make her drown in worry and the “what ifs,” to make her forget Who truly loved her.  That the One who made her was faithful. 

  “The Lord says,’I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.’” (Psalm 32:8)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Idle Worship

This Advent it felt like I was failing a lot more than I did last year.  I feel like I haven't retained most of what I've read, I feel as if I haven't done all the things I should.  But, maybe it's not being perfect in the Advent.  Maybe it has nothing to with making sure I retain every little thing I read.  Maybe it has to do with this amazing settled-ness that I have.  The fact that for once, I'm not freaking out over not being perfect.  That maybe, just maybe, keeping on simply trusting...

The need to strive for human perfection is an idol, and I am far from at rest when I'm striving to be perfect.  I was made to worship just as I am, so why am I seeking to worship perfection which I can never hope to attain.  I can be perfect, but it's only through Jesus who perfects me through Himself.

I look at the habits I have when I worship everything but God.  It becomes idol worship.  It becomes idle worship.  Idol worship lays down in front of me, everything that I've done wrong or can't do right.  It lays down my insecurities, my deepest fears, and taunts me.  It shows me everything everyone else is doing wrong or how they fail.  It begins to distract me from serving God, from showing His glory.  It makes me idle, lazy toward God, because I'm striving to prove perfection wrong, that I'm good enough.

But for Jesus, His blood, and the cross.  Through Him, there is strength to fight all the lies: fear, insecurities, imperfections, others faults.  Through Him, we have grace for ourselves and for others.  Through Him, we have love that shines bright.

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Not Forgottens

I started this post several times, added a few things, took something else away yet nothing seemed right.  I felt such a desire, an urge really to write, but nothing was coming to me no matter how hard I I simply asked what I should write...and call me crazy, maybe it's because of some of the conversations I've had with random people lately, but here goes...

To the beautiful whitish-haired woman who was in my group a while back, the one who thought she didn't fit in.  You do, oh, so very much, you do!  You sit now, silently waiting, that slow ache, deep in your heart, waiting with sadness, as you watch.  Your Heavenly Daddy gave, and now it seems He may be calling your second dearest love away from you.  May we all stand beside and around you, aching silently, gently with you.  You matter, dear very much. 

To the woman at rest who questions her at-restedness, oh, your struggles, they're very real, but so is that inner peace that shines out.  You've weathered great, you'll weather even greater.  You questioned some very true things that day, but I saw His strength radiate from you.  Hold on, this is part of the journey.

To that breathtakingly beautiful aching mama, you make me very much.  Your heart seems to be quite an unending ocean of grace.  I know it's not perfect; to be honest, I'm glad it's not.  Your real heart and vulnerability, makes me ache with you.  You're smile has years in it, years of everything that brings God glory...the pain, the joy...  Whether it feels like it, it makes you blessed and highly favored. His ocean will not cause you to drown but to live.

To that precious young soul, a reminder of myself.  Ah, if only you knew how beautiful you truly are.  And those struggles with not feeling God?  They so real in each of us from time to time, and that you are courageous because you could admit it.  And those lies?  That's all they are, is lies.  Cling to the truths, choose to believe them even when you aren't quite sure.  The light at the end of the tunnel will come.  He will never leave you or forsake you; He promised that.  But, it is your choice to pursue Him right back.  Beautiful one, come learn about Him with me, sing about the things He gives you, count those gifts, dear one, He's giving them to you all the time.

To the God-taped together breathing woman, the breaking hurts, yes.  Oh, but how He loves you.  You wonder, almost devastated sometimes, if He is going to heal all your wounded babies and family...or if maybe He's forgotten about healing your own very tender heart.  He hasn't forgotten.  No, that sweet song you hear during the day?  That's Him reminding you all the ways He hasn't forgotten you.  It's at the foot of His cross is where you'll find Him...every day all you need is the tree.  The one that was broken apart (dis-membered) so you could be put back together in your brokenness (re-membered) see that?  Remembered.  Jesus hasn't forgotten you!

To the smiling real pj-clad woman who gladly welcomes my spontaneous notions, you are beautiful, no RADIANT.  You say you're learning and you are.  I see it in your eyes, your smile, your graciousness, and above all your heart.  He, my Abba, has your heart.  Oh, it almost brings tears gushing down my face.  He's got your heart, so precious.  And your frustrations...guess what...He's got those too.

To the woman playing so many roles, some days she might wonder where all she could actually go right...ahh, the smile lighting my face says you have gone right!  So very right.  A testimony simply by the faith I've seen and even more simply heard of that you have had.  Yes, the pain brought, and still brings struggles, but you, oh, strong woman, you also know the face of our Savior.  And He brought even more beauty to still and know that He is God.

And finally, to my aching friend and sister, wondering, longing to know and feel the presence of God again.  The teacher may be silent...keep persevering in this test of faith.  "There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.  Quite the contrary--we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!" (Romans 5:3-5 [the Message]).  He hasn't forgotten you either, wait expectantly, seek passionately with all your heart, He'll show up for you.

To all of you and to me, dear sisters even brothers, anyone feeling forgotten, unwanted, oh how He loves each and every one of you. 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

He Is Good

The moment when you can't put into words how you are feeling, the moment when you long to be expressive because you are expressive.  You struggle with the words to say, feeling chained by this invisible vise-grip on your heart.  Begging deep inside your very soul for someone, anyone to hear your heart and understand.

Normally the story goes, "out of the darkness stepped...."  But, this story goes, "into the darkness He went".  Into the darkness, the brightest light there ever was...a light trampled down yet so strong the darkness lost the war before it was ever darkness.  And that powerful light came as something we would consider so very weak and helpless.  A baby, pure, innocent, void of any sin.  This baby grew into a man.  The Son of Man.  Ahhh, my heart can't even begin to grasped that He walked here.  He walked and He beheld all there was to see.  Went through every trial imaginable, felt every single moment of pain that could ever be had.  I have no doubt His soul, His heart was pierced many times from the rejections of people, His heart only to love.

It's crazy, our idea of love.  I feel, no, I don't just feel, I KNOW, that we have twisted what love is.  Love isn't always that "warm, mushy" feeling.  It isn't always comfortable.  Sometimes love comes in the form of consequences, sometimes it's downright painful.

I laugh to myself, because lately I've felt so entitled to "feel" God's love.  To experience that warm, comfortable reassuring feeling that I have decided lets me know God loves me.  Oh, but how far it is from just a feeling.  Do I get it?  No, not at all.  And sometimes, often times, my entitlement brings me to this place where I doubt.  I doubt that God is good.  I doubt His love.  I lose any gratitude that was once held in my heart.

Crazy though, how in my ungrateful, doubting mode, God still sees fit to give me gifts.  The most special came in the form of a friend tonight, who had the words to say what I couldn't.  "You want to trust so badly, but there is something just holding you back, and you can't get away from it.  It's like a prison."  Oh, the prison I too often find myself in.  There can be so many things that hold us back, but I think one of the largest is the heart void of or lacking in gratitude.

Pure thankfulness in each moment, knowing that no matter what happens we're saved by the grace of One much bigger than anything we could ever face.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Ahh, rejoice, pray, give thanks in all circumstances.  But wait, read the next part again.  "For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU."  For me.  It's God's will?  How can it be His will for me to go through hard things?  Shouldn't it be a breeze once I've made Him a part of my life?  No.  It isn't easy.  I know it sounds cliche but He never said it would be, in fact, He said it would be a rough journey.  But the mind-boggling awesomeness of the hard stuff is that it brings a settled-ness (new word :)) to our hearts.  A peace in the middle of the harshest of storms that no one can understand unless you know Yahweh, Jehovah Shalom, Abba..........................................................

  Part of a song to leave you with by Sidewalk Prophets:

He's not safe at all
He might let you fall
He's not easy
But He's good
I know He's good
He will take your time
He might feel unkind
He will break you
But He's good, He's good, He's good
I know He's good

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Broken Thanks

I looked into the eyes of innocence tonight.  I looked and as I explained and said "goodbye for now," I watched her heart build walls again.  I watched pain then uncertainty flash through those eyes.  My heart shattered, because I knew, her pain, was caused my ungrateful heart.  As I drove home, I pondered the "what ifs".  What if I...what if I...what if I?

Truth gently whispered, "Don't 'what if'.  You stepped back, you recognized, you confessed, broken, you spoke, you got back up again.  You went to the cross, you left it there.  Breathe.  Just breathe in grace.  Breathe in that you are treasured in spite of the things you see as failure.  Lift your hands, say "thank you".  Thank you for the brokenness that you pleaded for, thank you for grace, thank you for each moment that brought you to this grace-filled place.  Thank you for His rest and peace that you feel at this moment."

So, I sat back and wondered.  What if?  What if I stopped saying the what ifs for my regrets?  What if each time a piece shattered in my life or each time I made a mistake, or if I was asked to let go of dreams...what if I simply whispered my broken, "hallelujah and thank you, Daddy."

The crazy thing is, He never asked me to be perfect, but to strive for perfection in Him.  Yet, I betray my heart by believing the lies that I can never be enough.  He only asked me to come to Him, just the way I am.  Not perfect, not always getting it, but just broken, willing before Him.  And, the amazing thing?  I have not found one other place that gives true rest but Him.  True rest, rest that isn't always that rainbow land filled with ease and comfort that some people think should be Christianity, but a rest that gives such a settled, at peace feeling even in the middle of bombs dropping all around me.  Ahhh, if?

What if we gave up our rights, our entitlements, what we think we deserve?  But simply said, "thank you."

Grateful thanks for the crazy long traffic that made you late.  Tearful thanks for things lost because it cleared a path to His perspective.  Longing thanks for His asking you to give up your dreams, so He could work even more.  Smile-filled thanks at new life breathing young.  Unending thanks for those sunrises and sunsets, reminding of His beauty and glory.  Shivering thanks for those cold piles of snow, each flake uniquely different.
We miss so much because we don't notice.  Life got too busy.  So, what if we thanked Him for the painful, earth-shattering things as much as we did the beautiful, puzzle pieces put in place?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Fighting the Good Fight

I doubted today.
I doubted yesterday.
Doubted the past few weeks, really.
I didn't truly realize it until yesterday and today.
But I doubted.
Doubted that Jesus was listening.
Doubted that He heard my prayers.
There was even that small twinge of fear that wondered if maybe He wasn't even real. Wasn't there.
Angry and fearful tears and thoughts.
Forgetting that His perfect love cast out fear.
Forgetting that His perfect love isn't always comfortable.
Broken-hearted reactions.
Forgetting to be at His feet.
I kept wondering where His presence was.
Kept wondering where the feeling of His love was.
Kept wondering.  Because I knew way deep down.
Way deep down.  That I fully believed in Him.
And slowly, wise words started seeping into my soul....
The message was simple.

This journey isn't just a feeling.  Or about feeling. 
He is always there, He always cares.  He asks for our faith.
He ask us to trust His heart.
Trusting His heart is looking at the cross and accepting it.
Accepting that He saw all our dirt and tatters and pain.
In His perfection, He saw, and chose to die anyway.
Accepting that He died.  For me.  For you.
Because He loved us and wants to tell His story
And shine His glory through us.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"
-John 7:37, 38

Unworthy human, I fight this, because why would He WANT to give me this.
Redeemed Daughter, I crave this faith.
Longing for the rivers of living water.
Longing for those feelings, yet resting in His realness, and faithfulness, and nearness.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Rise Up..

Before I actually post this for the world to see, these are things that God is teaching me..has been teaching me..this is more for me..than anyone else.  My pray is that my heart is seen here..that love could be read through these words..that God would protect anyone who reads this, from anything that is not of Him in this post and that He would show me if there is, so that I can change it..that greatness could be brought back to the Kingdom of God for His glory.  That mighty warriors of all peoples would rise up, making our Father, Savior, and Comforter famous.  That the body of Christ would no longer be denominations, but a body of believers brought together by the common thread of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  

Rise up..
Rise up..
Rise up..
Rise up oh, men of God.
This keeps running through my brain in a never-ending loop...
Rise up..

Malachi 4:6
"And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction." (ESV)

"He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, so that I will not come and smite the land with a curse." (NASB)

I love that, "He will turn the hearts;" "He will RESTORE the hearts."
That sons and daughters could come together under the umbrella of their fathers' authority in Christ!  That honor and respect would be extended to even the most undeserving.  That grace would be given from the children to their fathers; that that same God-given grace would begin to change wounded daddy hearts, into courageous Warrior-Father hearts. 

 That the fathers would rise up.  A new courageous generation.  One that denies self; acting as Christ who loved the Church, willing to die for the ones He loved.  That there would be such a turning of hearts that the heart of Christ would be so evident in every area of our lives.  Imperfect people, made perfect through the Spirit of the Living God, filled with His love and grace. 
Fathers, husbands, sons, I implore you.  Look at your wives, daughters, sisters.  Many are weary, many are struggling, many are losing the battle.  Many have fallen into temptation.  Some may not give in, but how their hearts ache, secret sins deep inside, piercing the very depths of who they are. Searching for things that only through Jesus can be found.  Many feel unheard, unloved, uncared for.  So they run, run far from the Father, Creator of All.  Fathers, reach out to your daughters; they need you.  They need to see Jesus flowing through you.  Husbands, your wives, weeping deep inside; care for their hearts.  
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Wives, mothers, even the daughters...pain may come.  But, keep going.  Know your Savior.  Acknowledge your sins, repent of even the secret sins.  Mourn. Weep.  But know His heart.  Glorify His name.  Come under His authority.  Show gracious respect.  Honor even when it hurts.  Take responsibility for your life.  

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.  

Christ loves the Church, and even those who refuse Him, with a passionate love.  He gave everything so EVERYONE on this earth who ever lived could have a chance to know His saving grace.

Yet, we look with cold eyes on a daughter who dresses immodestly, because Satan, the deceiver, told her that was the way to earn love.  She knows right from wrong; yet how are we reaching out in Jesus-love to show her a different way?
We point fingers at the woman who walks the street, selling herself short, because Satan, the father of lies, told her she wasn't worth anything.  She knows deep inside that she is far from obedient; yet we push her aside as just another sinner we don't want to be associated with.
We turn granite faces and shoulders away from the man who meets those women, his heart aching for affirmation, because Satan, told him he wasn't good enough.  He knows, aching, deep inside his heart, that he is sinning; show him love, show him Jesus, be his friend.
We speak harshly about the man who drinks his problems away.  He wishes for a better way, he knows there is one.  Reach out.  Don't turn away from him.
We refuse entrance to our churches because we shouldn't have tattoos or piercings or anything that would make the perfect facade of our churches to crumble.

Where has the love for God gone?  My own heart drowns for want of His Living Water.  My own eyes are seeing the cold depravity of my own heart.  We all have desperate voids.  Some fill them with idols of money, self, relationships.
Where did the idols of money, self, control, even in some ways ministry come from?
If we all have these idols, these voids; why then, are we pointing fingers?
 Matthew 7:5
"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?  "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Why are we not as the Body of Christ reaching out?  Not only to the broken on the streets, but to all our broken pieces that we hold tightly, hoping no one sees.  We are all broken.  Every last one of us.  I am ashamed to admit, that even through the journey I have been on, I still fight the lie that if I'm real people will judge me.  So what if they do.  I fear that no longer will they speak to me, or acknowledge me.  Maybe they won't.  Maybe they'll push me aside...But as the journey continues, you start to know the Father's heart..
Romans 8:35-39
 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered. 
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

What amazing then...if we are to know the love of Christ through then, if we have such sweet communion with our then, can we push away this lost and dying world at our doorsteps?  How can we choose not to be love to those around us?


Thursday, September 5, 2013

Another New Chapter

Those final lasts. 
That last moment of driving crazy, watching the mountains pass me by.
That last moment of sharing pastry-filled talks.
That last moment of aching tear-streaming faces, & heart-crying memories.
That last load of laundry....
Only to have to send one more load through, because of sending my chapstick through, one last time.
Those final memories of companions you've had for the last long moments of your life.
Those final aching moments before turning the page.
That moment when you say, "I'll see you later."
That moment.
Thank God, it's only a moment.
There will be more......

Friday, August 16, 2013


She tells me, in words quickly written, about her messy heart.
I smile, I see her for what she is...beautiful.
We cry over the black pieces of our hearts, our broken places that we react out of.

My sister-friend, this daughter of my King:
We sharpen each other, we cry together, we fight for the Kingdom together.
Oh, my friend, lets dance under the stars tonight! 
Let's thankfully twirl under this vast black sky that will turn blue, bright-filled with love, in the morning.
I want to laugh with joy for the battles won today.
Others may look on, and think we're crazy.
They may not see this battle we're fighting.
But, let's not care.  Let's just sing for grace tonight.
I want to smile and praise in the face of this one who fights to destroy us.
To shout "Hosanna" for the grace given.
Glory given to the Only One in this vast land who deserves it.
He reigns tonight, sister-friend.
He reigned last night, He'll reign every day, until forever in eternity!
All those tears we've cried, all those things we've given up.
They don't even compare to what we'll see in His glory one day.
It's given.
Let's receive it tonight.
I'm celebrating.
We're sung over.
Beautiful Sister-Friend.
You are adored and loved.
So Sister-Friend, let's worship.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

*New Songs*

Where were you when I cried?  Where were you when I broke?  Where were you when darkness spoke so loudly that it drowned every ounce of light?  Where were you when mountains fell on top of my soul?  Where were you when I couldn’t go on anymore?  Where were you when I couldn’t sing?  Where were you when I couldn’t breathe?  You were wiping my tears when I cried.  You picked up the pieces as I broke, even though I didn’t know.  You were the strength holding me tight in the darkness.  You kept the mountains from crushing me completely.  You carried me when I couldn’t go on.  You sang over me when I couldn’t.  You breathed everlasting life into my lungs when I couldn’t breathe for myself.  You are I AM.  
  I see what You have done.  I ask for more.  I fail to recognize the glory of You, Daddy.  I often forget those daily small gifts, forgetting completely to praise and thank You for those things.  I keep asking for signs of Your love when it’s already surrounding me.  I fail to praise You for those mountains that continually shine Your face and glory and help.  Those skies full of blue, clouds drifting on Your very breath.  Those drops of water that rain from the heavens, pounding praise onto the earth, praise for You.  The trees bending and bowing to Your very will, fluid with grace and humility, rustling Your goodness.  The songs of delight that the birds announce to You, their Maker.  The grace of the horse running its adoration through meadows green.  
I lift these hands.  My soul smiles at You, Jesus.  Smiles with grateful and a small bit of understanding that this change is many, many moments.  Not just one earth-shattering moment.  But many earth-shattering, heart-breaking, grace-giving moments.  And I breathe.  Breathe in Your presence and love and a new song sings.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


 I keep looking.  
 I see a heart that has gotten stronger.  
 I see a heart that is learning to beat again, albeit slowly. 

 Yet, in that beautiful grace picture, I see a heart that needs the Father's heart now more than it ever has.  I was once under this disillusionment that as I got stronger, I wouldn’t necessarily need to depend on God as I’ve had to the past almost year.  Oh, how that thought has changed.  The strength that this heart has received, comes only from the Father of my heart.  That strength is poured straight from His heart into mine.  Without it, I am nothing.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

By His Wounds We Are Healed

*This post is in honor of a dear friend and sister*

Daughter wounded. 
He will heal your wounds.  Those wounds you hide so deep.
Daughter aching.  
He feels your ache.  That ache you think no one else could understand.
Daughter hiding.  
He knows your hiding place.  That place that really doesn't feel safe to you.
Daughter crying.
He sees your tears.  Those tears you cry when you think no one is watching.

Baby girl, I know this next week will be one of your hardest weeks ever.  I see it on your face; I hear it in certain things you say and do.  I feel your pain so deep some days, that the tears run over, brimming for you and what you feel.   I ache to see you carry so much, yet for some crazy reason I completely understand this strength you've built.  Our stories are so vastly different, but that doesn't matter.  The graciousness of God for bringing us together as sisters in Christ is amazing.  I see your heart, I see the way you are trying, I see your grace.  Beautiful girl, He'll heal your heart.  He'll bring you out of this earth-shattering ache of a valley.  By His wounds we are healed.  By His aching, bleeding, broken heart and body we are healed.