This Advent it felt like I was failing a lot more than I did last year. I feel like I haven't retained most of what I've read, I feel as if I haven't done all the things I should. But, maybe it's not being perfect in the Advent. Maybe it has nothing to with making sure I retain every little thing I read. Maybe it has to do with this amazing settled-ness that I have. The fact that for once, I'm not freaking out over not being perfect. That maybe, just maybe, keeping on simply trusting...
The need to strive for human perfection is an idol, and I am far from at rest when I'm striving to be perfect. I was made to worship just as I am, so why am I seeking to worship perfection which I can never hope to attain. I can be perfect, but it's only through Jesus who perfects me through Himself.
I look at the habits I have when I worship everything but God. It becomes idol worship. It becomes idle worship. Idol worship lays down in front of me, everything tha…
I started this post several times, added a few things, took something else away yet nothing seemed right. I felt such a desire, an urge really to write, but nothing was coming to me no matter how hard I tried...so I simply asked what I should write...and call me crazy, maybe it's because of some of the conversations I've had with random people lately, but here goes...
To the beautiful whitish-haired woman who was in my group a while back, the one who thought she didn't fit in. You do, oh, so very much, you do! You sit now, silently waiting, that slow ache, deep in your heart, waiting with sadness, as you watch. Your Heavenly Daddy gave, and now it seems He may be calling your second dearest love away from you. May we all stand beside and around you, aching silently, gently with you. You matter, dear one...so very much.
To the woman at rest who questions her at-restedness, oh, your struggles, they're very real, but so is that inner peace that shines out. You…
The moment when you can't put into words how you are feeling, the moment when you long to be expressive because you are expressive. You struggle with the words to say, feeling chained by this invisible vise-grip on your heart. Begging deep inside your very soul for someone, anyone to hear your heart and understand.
Normally the story goes, "out of the darkness stepped...." But, this story goes, "into the darkness He went". Into the darkness, the brightest light there ever was...a light trampled down yet so strong the darkness lost the war before it was ever darkness. And that powerful light came as something we would consider so very weak and helpless. A baby, pure, innocent, void of any sin. This baby grew into a man. The Son of Man. Ahhh, my heart can't even begin to grasped that He walked here. He walked and He beheld all there was to see. Went through every trial imaginable, felt every single moment of pain that could ever be had. I have no …
I looked into the eyes of innocence tonight. I looked and as I explained and said "goodbye for now," I watched her heart build walls again. I watched pain then uncertainty flash through those eyes. My heart shattered, because I knew, her pain, was caused my ungrateful heart. As I drove home, I pondered the "what ifs". What if I...what if I...what if I?
Truth gently whispered, "Don't 'what if'. You stepped back, you recognized, you confessed, broken, you spoke, you got back up again. You went to the cross, you left it there. Breathe. Just breathe in grace. Breathe in that you are treasured in spite of the things you see as failure. Lift your hands, say "thank you". Thank you for the brokenness that you pleaded for, thank you for grace, thank you for each moment that brought you to this grace-filled place. Thank you for His rest and peace that you feel at this moment."
So, I sat back and wondered. What if? What if I sto…
I doubted today.
I doubted yesterday.
Doubted the past few weeks, really.
I didn't truly realize it until yesterday and today.
But I doubted.
Doubted that Jesus was listening.
Doubted that He heard my prayers.
There was even that small twinge of fear that wondered if maybe He wasn't even real. Wasn't there.
Angry and fearful tears and thoughts.
Forgetting that His perfect love cast out fear.
Forgetting that His perfect love isn't always comfortable.
Forgetting to be at His feet.
I kept wondering where His presence was.
Kept wondering where the feeling of His love was.
Kept wondering. Because I knew way deep down.
Way deep down. That I fully believed in Him.
And slowly, wise words started seeping into my soul....
The message was simple.
This journey isn't just a feeling. Or about feeling.
He is always there, He always cares. He asks for our faith.
He ask us to trust His heart.
Trusting His heart is looking at the cross and accepting i…
Before I actually post this for the world to see, these are things that God is teaching me..has been teaching me..this is more for me..than anyone else. My pray is that my heart is seen here..that love could be read through these words..that God would protect anyone who reads this, from anything that is not of Him in this post and that He would show me if there is, so that I can change it..that greatness could be brought back to the Kingdom of God for His glory. That mighty warriors of all peoples would rise up, making our Father, Savior, and Comforter famous. That the body of Christ would no longer be denominations, but a body of believers brought together by the common thread of Jesus' sacrifice for us.
Rise up oh, men of God.
This keeps running through my brain in a never-ending loop...
"And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the l…
Those final lasts.
That last moment of driving crazy, watching the mountains pass me by.
That last moment of sharing pastry-filled talks.
That last moment of aching tear-streaming faces, & heart-crying memories.
That last load of laundry....
Only to have to send one more load through, because of sending my chapstick through, one last time.
Those final memories of companions you've had for the last long moments of your life.
Those final aching moments before turning the page.
That moment when you say, "I'll see you later."
Thank God, it's only a moment.
There will be more......
She tells me, in words quickly written, about her messy heart.
I smile, I see her for what she is...beautiful.
We cry over the black pieces of our hearts, our broken places that we react out of.
My sister-friend, this daughter of my King:
We sharpen each other, we cry together, we fight for the Kingdom together.
Oh, my friend, lets dance under the stars tonight!
Let's thankfully twirl under this vast black sky that will turn blue, bright-filled with love, in the morning.
I want to laugh with joy for the battles won today.
Others may look on, and think we're crazy.
They may not see this battle we're fighting.
But, let's not care. Let's just sing for grace tonight.
I want to smile and praise in the face of this one who fights to destroy us.
To shout "Hosanna" for the grace given.
Glory given to the Only One in this vast land who deserves it.
He reigns tonight, sister-friend.
He reigned last night, He'll reign every day, until forever in eternity!
Where were you when I cried?Where
were you when I broke?Where were you
when darkness spoke so loudly that it drowned every ounce of light?Where were you when mountains fell on top of
my soul?Where were you when I couldn’t
go on anymore?Where were you when I
couldn’t sing?Where were you when I
couldn’t breathe?You were wiping my
tears when I cried.You picked up the
pieces as I broke, even though I didn’t know.You were the strength holding me tight in the darkness.You kept the mountains from crushing me
completely.You carried me when I
couldn’t go on.You sang over me when I
couldn’t.You breathed everlasting life
into my lungs when I couldn’t breathe for myself.You are I AM.I see what You have done.I ask for more.I fail to recognize the glory of You, Daddy.I often forget those daily
small gifts, forgetting completely to praise and thank You for those
things.I keep asking for signs of Your
love when it’s already surrounding me.I
fail to praise You for those mountains that continually shin…
*This post is in honor of a dear friend and sister*
Daughter wounded. He will heal your wounds. Those wounds you hide so deep. Daughter aching. He feels your ache. That ache you think no one else could understand. Daughter hiding. He knows your hiding place. That place that really doesn't feel safe to you. Daughter crying. He sees your tears. Those tears you cry when you think no one is watching.
Baby girl, I know this next week will be one of your hardest weeks ever. I see it on your face; I hear it in certain things you say and do. I feel your pain so deep some days, that the tears run over, brimming for you and what you feel. I ache to see you carry so much, yet for some crazy reason I completely understand this strength you've built. Our stories are so vastly different, but that doesn't matter. The graciousness of God for bringing us together as sisters in Christ is amazing. I see your heart, I see the way you are trying, I see your grace. Beautiful girl, He…