Tuesday, June 17, 2014

He Knows My Name



Shame washed over me tonight.  That feeling of being bad to the core, condemned, yet knowing deep in your heart where the battle came from, and that the shame was a lie, an arrow meant to cut deep.  A moment, a moment of a few choice words, tore my heart to bits.  Knowing that I'm supposed to be honored and cherished, but receiving anger and condemnation, left me confused about myself, wondering if I could possibly measure up to God if I couldn’t measure up to any human that loved me.  Could it be possible that I couldn’t measure up after twenty-two years?  If I wore the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, wore my hair the wrong way, or acted for even a moment not quite like someone thought I should.  If this is the case, was there hope? 
I stepped back into the Strength that I was, even then, questioning.  What did I look like to God?  Who was I in Him?  Did He actually approve of me? (And how could I actually be asking myself that question when I had just spoken that very thing to someone earlier, that she was approved of by God?)  Was I too much for Him?  Was I too little?  (Funny, that those questions would be asked, after having discussed those very questions with someone else earlier today). Most of all, did He know me?  Did He hear me?
What I saw when I stepped back, was a scared little girl in a twenty-two year old fa├žade.  A little girl longing to know the truth of who she was, who she was in Him and in Him alone.  I saw the little girl, remember songs sung over her.  I saw her lift her head.  I saw her face that Cross, still struggling to fully comprehend, but I saw her stand and go forward to its base.  I saw her lay her questions at His feet, trusting that He would answer her.  And a song played over and over in her heart.

 "He Knows My Name"
(Francesca Battestelli)

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus:]
I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet
I'm meant to be a lion
I'll roar beyond a song
With every moment that I've got
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

[Chorus]

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure...
I am loved

I don't need my name in lights...
I'm famous in my Father's eyes...