Saturday, December 29, 2012

Tonight, as I sat in the Safeway parking lot, waiting for my dear friend Sharla, I had time to simply sit and think.  As I sat pondering life and deep questions that have been tracking through my brain, I saw a woman get out of the car almost directly across from me.  She was a smallish woman, a little over 5’, with salt and pepper hair pulled into a bun.  The clothes she wore marked her as a guard or other disciplinary figure from one of the prisons in the area.  She looked tired, shoulders slumped, head not quite down, but definitely far from what I figured she could look like during the day; and I had to wonder what her day had held.  Questions continued to pour into my brain as I watched her.  Did she have family?  Was she going home to an empty house?  Did anybody care for her heart?  Was her day bad?  Was her day good?  Did anyone care?  Did she feel loved, accepted, wanted?  As I drove away, I put her out of my mind.  I spent my evening being seen and heard; and seeing and hearing for two others.  We cared for each other.  We shared our hearts.  As I drove home, the woman I saw came to mind.  Say there was a chance that she didn’t have anyone, why wasn’t I more grateful for the people that God had put into my life?  Why wasn’t I more grateful for the things that I experienced that were painful, knowing that I had those strong towers full of God surrounding me?  Why couldn’t I appreciate the journey and process more, when I have everything given to me to succeed in this crazy thing called life?  Why wasn’t I more grateful for the cross and Jesus, knowing that from those two together and the sacrifice, that I’ve been given a different Lifeblood?  Why do I hold so tightly when I know that letting go of my life means receiving true freedom?  Why?

Monday, October 1, 2012

          It's been a little while since I've posted, but as usual there are things to say.  (Imagine that).  I am no longer in the clothes department, but now have the vast privilege of working in the shoe department.  For those of you who know me well, you would think this would be right up my alley.  In essence, it is; yet the department not only consists of shoes but also purses, hats, scarves, ties, things like that.  I am started to enjoy it, but it definitely is stretching.  It's a challenge juggling two departments and giving them my all, but I feel like I am slowly getting the hang of it. 
          People keep asking me how my knee is doing; the best I can say is that I'm running and jumping.  I honestly have no idea where exactly that I am.  My therapist told me that I should be officially done in two months, give or take.  It's crazy trying to find the time to do therapy and life out here.  I am so ready to be finished though; I miss playing sports and doing things everyone else can do.  
          I've been thinking a lot lately about the things God uses to shape us.  Why is it that when we pray for Him to do work in our lives and He actually does what we ask, that we get upset?  We desperately want more, to know more, to be more; but we don't want to go through the fire to get those things.  Has this generation truly become so comfortable?  We have it so easy that it seems we've forgotten what truly happened for us.  We've forgotten that the road is narrow.  We've forgotten that following Jesus means sacrifice, giving our all, dying to self.  Why are we so afraid of brokenness?  I sit and I watch, and everyone just plays church now.  There is so many facades.  We've decided as long as we dress correctly, act correctly that we are good Christians.  WHY?  All the right things are preached, taught, "done;" yet it is dead.  Where is the life that I KNOW Jesus gives?  I am just as guilty as the next person, so why do we keep on?  Some people are going to read this, and agree with me, but not do a thing about it.  Life as we know it truly needs to change.  We need to stop saying that we're going to be the hands and feet of Jesus and actually BE.  If it means giving up more than a few dollars, if it means giving up my own car, if it means giving up my cell phone, if it means giving all my money, if it means giving all my time, if it means having nothing, for the sake of helping someone, being Jesus for someone, I want to be able to do that.  And when I say all the things that I just mentioned, I don't mean giving those things up just a little bit or figuratively, I'm dead serious.  I am not worthy as a human anyway, but folks, Jesus gave His everything so if I'm not willing to give away everything that He has blessed me with, then I am not worthy of the gift of salvation.  If I'm not willing to give or forgive, I am not worthy.  Once again, people will agree with me, but you won't change a thing.  My prayer is that I can be everything that I have just said, that even in my failures that I will strive to give whatever Jesus has given me to give up.  So I guess my question is...if this hits you, what are you going to do about it?


Thursday, August 23, 2012

        The days here have been super crazy, but exceedingly fun!  Some seriously hilarious moments, like someone asking what rubber bands are made of :)  (I promise, it wasn't me)  I'm loving the weather out here; it's not nearly as humid as Ohio, for which I'm super grateful.  Lately, we've been down at the guys house enjoying fires on random off evenings, and tonight SMORES :) 
         There are a lot of changes happening right now, at the mission, at the duplex, and in lives.  There are several people that have worked at the store in Pueblo for a while, but they are moving on.  It's exciting to see the changes in their lives and getting to be there to find out about their new chapters.  It's sad to see them go, but most change is actually good.  At the duplex, we're getting a dorm supervisor, as Kramer is moving to the office (she'll be paid staff).  In her place, Naomi Schrock will be taking her place.  My dear roomie and my lovely, quiet friend Ruth will also be moving out of the house as paid staff as well; but they'll still be working at the thrift store in Pueblo.  (For which I am seriously happy about).  Because of all these changes, we're supposed to be getting five new girls in September, which is going to be exciting and stretching.  So if ya'll would keep all this craziness in your prayers, that would be amazing. 
           I don't know how much I've shared about what I actually have been doing at the store since I'm back, but I shall enlighten you all now.  I started out not really knowing where I was in the store, and not knowing what I would be doing, but that has most definitely changed now.  I am in charge of the silent auction at our store, which I have been enjoying immensely.  I get to decide what goes out each week, and make the phone calls to the winning bidders.  I spent one day organizing the random categories; it looked pretty huge when I started but I was really proud of myself once I got most of it done.  Not only do I work with silent auction, but I also get to help Ruth do displays once a week.  Its an extremely enjoyable job, but there are moments when the inspiration runs out.  I've also been trained to sort clothes, which I also enjoy.  In addition, I also have the privilege of getting to run register, which has always been a favorite thing of mine to do.  I really think that I'm probably one of the most blessed kids out here, because I don't just have one job but many, keeping my life super interesting.  
           As always, God is super faithful and absolutely amazing.  The past two weeks have been a little on the side of rough, and it felt absolutely dry and I felt desperate.  Then, last night I did something super hard and painful, yet good.  I still don't know the outcome of what I did, but when I did it, I felt such an amazing release of freedom, and an overwhelming aliveness, that I know I did what God wanted.  The outcome may not be as I would like it to be, but God will honor obedience in any way that glorifies Him.  My prayer lately has been a desperate prayer of sorts.  I've been praying to know the heart of God, to not only know His heart but to actually HAVE His heart.  To not just pray a mundane prayer asking for it, but to be anguished for it, begging for it, crying out for more.  He is starting to honor that prayer, and I praise Him for it.  I'll never know how He's doing it, but in everything that I've been going through, He's making it easier to say, "I know He loves me even now," whenever crazy is happening.  He is always fighting for me, always loving me, always near me, simply waiting, wanting to me to know Him.  It's exciting, and to be honest, never before did I think that a learning to know God, and building that relationship could be exciting.  But wow.  HE is Risen, and He is good.  


Monday, July 30, 2012


 It's been an incredibly long time since I've posted, and I know there are a few people wondering how I've been since I've come back out to Colorado.  The initial adjustment was rather rough.  I wasn't quite sure where I fit in, and to tell the truth, sometimes I'm still not sure.  But, I'm learning that that is perfectly ok.  Not knowing, is allowing God to have the control, and for so long, I've tried to control every aspect of my life.  Not knowing is interesting, fun, full of variety.  I'm still working in Pueblo, which I was thrilled about.  I go to therapy for my knee twice a week at a therapist in Pueblo West; it seems to be going good, but there are moments when frustration kicks in.  Hopefully though, in two weeks I'll start running a little bit, which I'm seriously excited about!...anyway, I'll have more later but here are some not so random thoughts.

12 In Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear).
13 So I ask you not to lose heart [not to faint or become despondent through fear] at what I am suffering in your behalf. [Rather glory in it] for it is an honor to you.
14 For this reason [[a]seeing the greatness of this plan by which you are built together in Christ], I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].
16 May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].
17 May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,
18 That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];
19 [That you may really come] to know [practically, [b]through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses [c]mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] [d]unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and [e]become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!
-Ephesians 3:12-19  AMP 

Is that not just simply amazing?!  That we can go to God with boldness, freedom, and confidence.  That there are reasons for the refining even if we don't always see it.  That in all of that, He is giving us the ability to learn to understand how vast His love is for us.   And that we all can be filled by His Spirit!

I have been amazed at how truly faithful He has been; I've asked for things, and even though I had some doubt that they would come true, He proved Himself and His promises to me.  I cannot wait to see what else He is going to do.  I'm also thrilled that slowly He is showing me who I am to Him and who I am in Him.  My Daddy is so good.  


Saturday, May 19, 2012

What is good?  What counts as grace? What is the heart of God?
                                                                                   -Ann Voskamp
This post is going to come from a chapter I'm reading in Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts.  Anything that is italicized in this post comes from the book.
Lately, I've had a lot of decisions to make, decisions that seem so huge to me.  I've been doing a "wonderful" of job of trying to figure it out on my own, then of course, getting angry with God because He isn't doing exactly what I think should be happening.  And then, I sat down this morning to read more of my book and dear Ann was talking about perspective.  She writes about a time when she and her family drove past a house and saw a sign.  She wondered out loud why someone would have a sign in their yard but would make so people couldn't read it.  The next time they drove past that house, she had glasses on and could read the sign.  And it made me think, how often am I like that?  I'm going through life and I see signs but I can't read them.  Where is my perspective?  How can I get that perspective?
Every dark woods has words.  And every moment is a message from The Word-God who can't stop writing His heart.
But who can read His messages?
God is writing!  Every day from His heart, yet so often we fail to see.  What Ann wrote next was something I've always known, but it's so "hard" for me to always make time for this.
Only the Word is the answer to rightly reading the world, because the Word has nail-scarred hands that cup our face close, wipe away the tears running down, has eyes to look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, "I know. I know."
Is that not just crazy awesome?  Reading God's word does all that!  Yet, many times the distractions of life start to weigh down on my heart and I simply give in to the pressures of life; it's easier, "less painful".  But, is it really less painful?
God has already planned EVERYTHING.  And yet still we try so hard to stay in control.  We fill our lives with either good or bad; we try to fill our lives with both sometimes.  But what is in our hearts will shine through.
"The eye is the lamp of the whole body.  So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If then the light in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"  -Matthew 6:22,23  (ESV)
And sometimes, we become empty, and that can be so hard.  But, take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness.  The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good.   God is always good  and I am always loved.
I feel like none of this ties together very well, but that happens at times.
I want to leave you with this: Are your ways My ways, child?  Can you eat My manna, sustain on My mystery?  Can you believe that I tenderly, tirelessly work all for the best good of the whole world--because My flame of love for you can never, ever be quenched?


Thursday, April 26, 2012

                Random thoughts have been going through my head all day.  God is so indescribably good, yet so often we run.  Run from His heart, run from what He has for us, run from surrender.  We look up at a clear night sky filled with the brightest of stars or a breathtaking sunset, and whisper, “Wow…only God.”  We see a God-only made canyon, admire a vast ocean, breathe in fresh air, and we sing the praises of God.  Yet, when it comes to trusting our full hearts to Him, our Daddy, we struggle against it.  We find any amount of excuses to get away from it, trying to find any number of things to fill the voids we feel.  For a while, it works, yet it does not truly work.  If it did, those aches would not come back.  We all know that, yet we keep running. 
                Is the running just another fix?  Maybe if we run fast enough, long enough, far enough, He’ll let us do what we think is best and sometimes He does.  But, that longing is always there; a longing to find more, to be more, to be loved, to be safe; and it can’t be filled by anything other than a relationship with the only true Daddy in the universe. 
                I often wonder how it can be that He still looks down upon me and wants me as His Daughter.  My only explanation, that God is good.  He takes the most broken-down things, the most scarred and ugly things, and remolds and rebuilds them into beautiful things for His glory.  Sometimes we get so angry at the fires we have to go through, yet He delights in the gold that comes through if we surrender to Him during the fire.  God doesn’t cause the fires to hurt us; He does it because of His love.  I’m finding that even in the brokenness, the pain, the fire, He starts to bring an understanding of His love.  He is good.

Monday, April 16, 2012

One of my greatest fears is tornadoes.  Isn't that just wonderful?  With all the news on the tornadoes that have been touching down lately it really makes you think.  Where truly is my trust?  Is it in money or something else tangible?  Is it a person or myself?  Or am I truly living in God?  Am I fully trusting Him no matter how crazy the world is around me?  Recently, my life felt rather, how shall we say..full of depending on myself and what I thought I needed to be for every one else instead of living out of who God is in me.  God gave me many opportunities for brokenness and so many times I was so close, but I kept on "holding" it together.  Then, for some reason instead of my normal crash and burn, God started to give me an understanding of who I am, in Him.  Having gotten so caught up in life, I had failed to see that who I was still shone, though dimly, even if I didn't always see it.  God used several random things to help me remember.  One of these things was a sermon on grief.  A part of this sermon spoke about God's love for us; how He isn't waiting for us to mess up so He can hit us with His staff.  But, like the perfect shepherd He is, He is standing there beside us, holding His staff out to us, telling us, "Just reach out and touch it, I will guide you."  So often though, we refuse.  Why?  I do believe I have the perfect story to maybe show why.  I've been reading this book called Fierce Beauty by Kim Meeder.  I'm putting the entire story on here, but do know, it is not something I wrote; Kim Meeder wrote this story from a dream that she had.

Through the lifting haze of early dawn, I glimpsed her.  Intrigue drew me nearer.  She was the most magnificent feathered creature I had ever seen.  She was a bald eagle.
          Her distinctive features were unmistakable...and unusual.  I marveled at how her white head shone with the glittering brilliance of sunlight moving across snow.  Though dusky in color, her body glimmered with the luminescence of stars on the darkest night.  Moving closer, I saw that a thread of pure gold encircled every flawless quill.  Her beak was formidable, strong, and impeccably outline in...crimson.
           Shimmering in the day's first glow, an elaborate object surrounded her.  The circular base of the structure was fashioned in the likeness of an ornate crown.  A blinding array of prismatic lights reflected off precious stones that covered its facade.  Seemingly forged from molten sunbeams, golden bars from from the base of the crown and converged in a point slightly above the eagle's head.  A brilliant diamond glittered at the peak.  Together the eagle and her crown radiated an iridized flame that seemed to waft outward in mesmerizing waves of translucent color.
           She was an all-consuming beauty--she was perfect.
           Her grandeur drew me toward her.  Spellbound, I took one hypnotic step after another.  As more details emerged.  I noticed something else.  Truth rose like morning mist in my heart.
           I'd been so captivated by her splendor that I hadn't fully realized she was indeed a captive. 
           The exquisite nature of her confinement veiled the fact that she was a prisoner.  Her entrapment denied the eagle her birthright, her God-given liberty, and her purpose.
           Adding to the eagle's woe, the golden cage was much to small.  To fit within the glorious enclosure, her powerful back and shoulders were compromised downward.  Her razor-sharp talons were painted in confusing patterns and were absurd in length, garish and glossy from lack of use.  The screaming voice of freedom that must have once filled her chest and split the sky now was silenced by the luxurious hell imprisoning her.
           Slowly she turned to look at me.
           The piercing eyes that surely used to reflect fiery passion for life and the brilliance of her Creator now mirrored only a withering image.  Her shallow vision had narrowed to a single harrowing convergence--herself.
            The eagle's glory, her calling, her very life were ebbing with every weakened breath.  I realized the crimson that stained her flawless beak had seeped from her corrupted heart.  It was her own blood.
             The eagle was dying.
              My heart cried out for justice, for her release.  This should not be her end.  She was free from the moment of her creation.  She has a destiny, a future, a purpose to fulfill.  She was designed for a calling only she can complete.  She must fly!
             The eagle's eyes dimmed as her breath faltered.  "No!"  reverberated through my chest like an ancient war cry.  I lunged toward the extravagant crown and attacked the perfection that was killing her.  The brilliant confinement was cold--and strong.  I strained against the jeweled bars, trying to spread a threshold by which she could escape.  With jaws clenched I threw my head back, then screamed the name above all names: "Jesus!"
             Instantly the combined light of a million stars flashed.  Scorching heat surged over me.  The bars began to yield, then exploded in a soul-shattering blast.  Knocked backward, I watched in astonished wonder as a gaudy shower of splintered gold and scattering gems rained down through a cloud of shimmering dust.
             The eagle?  Straining to see through the ethereal haze, I saw her gasping--but free.  She made no motion to rise.  She appeared to be locked in place, somehow held in the same position she's always known.  She was free.  She just didn't seem to believe it.
              "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" I shouted while crawling toward her.  The eagle blinked and stirred.  After closing the distance between us, I gathered her in my arms and, with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, threw the magnificent bird skyward.  Instinctively, she snapped open her illustrious wings.  I watched the raptor catch the uprising current of pure encouragement that rose from my heart to hers.
              "Fly! Fly! Fly, girl, fly!" I called out toward the heavens.  With several strokes of her powerful wings, she soared upward.  "Fly!" I continued to yell as I rose to my feet.  She circles, perhaps looking for a greater updraft to fill her wingspan.  Her wings rose and fell in mighty strokes, yet each appeared more labored than the last. 
              Confused, I realized the eagle was no long rising.  She was falling!
              It was her adornments.  The weight of her embellishments was more than she could bear.
              The great raptor began to plummet.  A weak cry left her chest, not of triumph...but of defeat.  She was failing.  After plunging in a nauseating spiral, she collided hard with the earth, landing in precisely the same place she had just escaped from, among the twisted remains of her former prison. 
              I watched in stunned silence.  The eagle slowly roused, quietly disregarding me.  Her only focus was concern over her radiant plumage.  After careful inspection of every perfect feather, she appeared to be satisfied.  Then the eagle glanced back and forth between earth and sky...deciding.
             Appearing somewhat revived by her brief flight, a temporary luster rose in her eyes.  The beautiful bird cast one longing gaze back toward the permanent glory of heaven and chose her fate.
             With renewed resolution the eagle looked intently at the ground.  Sifting through the glittering debris of what was once her lovely prison, she retrieved a fractured length of gold.  Holding it close, she studied its brilliance.  Speechless I stood as a witness.
               The eagle continued on her purposeful search.  I watched, mouth agape, as the defeated raptor began to reconstruct--piece by alluring, glittering, captivating piece--the elaborate confinement that had once enslaved her.
               The eagle was rebuilding her crown. 
                                                      **written by Kim Meeder

This story hit me right between the eyes and right in the center of my heart.  I am just like that eagle.  How often is it that we are given that freedom, our chains are broken, we are given the chance to SOAR!  Yet, we sometimes seem to be so attached to our idols, our loves, that we come crashing down again....and we start to rebuild the broken idols and things we love, it's easier to rebuild then surrender sometimes.  He never promised that it would be easy walking with Him.  He didn't say that it wouldn't hurt.  But He did promise that He would never leave us or forsake us.  He's been showing me that even when I take a little bunny trail (or even a ginormous bunny trail), He is always there waiting for me.  With open arms.  Consequences, yes.  Condemnation, no.  A loving Father?  Absolutely.  And He will forever be.

I so can't apologize for this long just kinda kept coming :)


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Presenting: The Very Pushed Back Ramble

I was very pleased to get the news on March 22 that I officially had a donor for my knee, and that surgery was scheduled for the next Tuesday March 27.  Ok, so I was a total newbie at the surgery thing, but I thought it was really cool how they sent my prescriptions to me in the mail so they could be filled before the day of surgery.   Surgery day came, and I was awake by 4:45.  We were on the road heading to the surgery center by 5:30 and were there by 6.  Then, the fun began.  Not.  I hate IV’s and needles and anything that has the potential to leave me black and blue, but oh, the joys.  I was first given the medical world’s latest in surgery fashion to change into: a stunning gown of white with a breathtaking blue pattern of some sort, along with that, I had the privilege of a marvelous hat, a style that I had never worn before; the icing on the cake was the tan non-slip socks they gave. J  Once I was all decked out in my surgery finery, I glided over to my “bed”.  Once there, I endured such atrocities.  They began with trying to give me an IV, the most dreaded part (*insert horrified shiver).  The nurse, bless her heart, that tried to put in my IV, tried TWICE, which was three times too many.  And the worst thing is, you don’t just get stuck once each time they try, no, you get stuck twice, because as most of you know, they have to “numb” said area.  Ha. Numb my foot.  So, I’m officially stuck four times now, and my nurse, once again bless her heart, decides that it’s time for the anesthesiologist to come and try to get the IV in.  So, out traipses a wonderful lady who got the IV the first time she tried; I was as pleased someone can be getting stuck SIX times for ONE IV.  Of course, I knew that this was not the end of the joys to come; yet a pleasant surprise did show up in the course of my demise.  I soon began to feel very euphoric and light, fabulous feeling, I say; and then, the man doing my anesthesia came and proceeded to give my leg a shot to numb my thigh.  Not the most pleasant experience; but I will say this, whatever they had in my IV, made me not care so much, that once again, I was being poked with a very sharp needle.  In my state of euphoria, whoever was taking care of my at the time, wheeled me into the OR, where they gave me oxygen and told me that they were giving me meds to knock me out.  They said it would sting, but all I remember before groggily waking up in recovery is the oxygen mask.  In recovery, they asked me questions, which I have no idea anymore what were.  From there, I was moved to a chair and given apple juice and animal crackers and Percocet.  Lovely stuff that.  My parents came to fetch me, and I was wheeled out to our vehicle.  After hitting almost every bump on the way home (bless my dad’s heart, he did do a good job), I promptly collapsed into bed.  The last many days have simply run together into endless days of sitting around and working on my therapy.  I’ve struggled a bit on the therapy thing, but I’m starting to do more.  Tomorrow I have therapy with Jill at 3:30, which should be fun.
 My mom has been such a trooper through all this; no lie, she’s pretty much an angel.  There have been many times already that I’m sure that she’s wanted to bop me a good one or simple walk away crying, but no, she keeps on going, loving me anyway.  Her schedule’s crazy right now, but she’s doing a wonderful job!
So enough of the surgery bit, onto other things.  Lately, I’ve been thinking about lots of random things.  But the one thing that has most definitely stuck out the most is why God allows certain people to come into our lives when they only seem to use you like a punching bag.  Then, I got to thinking, well, He is trying to show me something there, right?  Could it be in how I react to that type of person, that they see God?  Could it be in simply being a friend, no matter how painful, that they will see God?  Could all this be to simply glorify God?  Yes.  It’s been rough going through things I never imagined that God would have me go through and have I fallen, yes.  But, there’s this unexplainable thing that I don’t understand but just KNOW.  God simply cares for me; He adores me; He wants to know ME; He knows everything that is going on in my life and cries with me; He loves me.  I don’t understand, why He does this, because I can be so rotten and get so distracted, but all I know is that He does, and that is so good enough for me.  So because of that, simply knowing that, I want my heart to be open to the punches other people throw.  We can’t see all their pain; we don’t know all their hurts, their cries for help, their longings.  It may hurt me, but I have to think how many times I’ve done that to God.  Thinking that, and knowing God’s love me and learning to live in that love, gives me hope that He will be right there with me taking the punches thrown.
Long post, I know, but it’s what I had.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I am officially back in the state of Ohio, but being back has brought in another state, one of serious blondness.  I'm not sure if I'm digressing or if this is simply a stage that I'm going through.  God forbid that it's the former. 

 I had quite a jolly time of getting back to Ohio; I was very blessed on both my flights to have a seat to myself.  When my dad had bought my ticket, he had made sure that I would have the option of wheelchair service should I have needed it.  I, being the stubborn person I am, never used it :)  Be that as it may, I landed in Columbus at 1:10 p.m. on Saturday the 25th.  Needless to say, I did not make it back to my house until 4:30ish; we'll just say that we got majorly side-tracked.  It was really good to be back in my own room, though I love my room out there. 

I am working right now; I've worked 3ish days since I've been back.  I'm working at a Christian bookstore that had actually been my very first job; I was very blessed that they are letting me be there and that they are being so flexible on hours.  It's been really good being back there and getting to hang out with some of the people I used to work with.  I've also been having a jolly time socializing with everyone around here.  This last Saturday morning, I got to go eat breakfast with my mom, grandma, four of my uncles, and mom's first cousin.  It was such a grand time because we're sitting there at the restaurant and it felt like the entire town was drawn to our table; we'll just put it like this: my family seems to know EVERYONE! 

I officially had my first orthopedic appointment (in Ohio) this past Wednesday.  My x-rays once again confirmed that nothing was broken.  I had an MRI on Thursday that confirmed a torn ACL, a torn meniscus, and some bone bruising (which originally my surgeon had told me that if I have a certain kind of bone bruising, that I would be on crutches for a year), luckily it was that kind of bruising.  Currently, I'm second on a donor list, waiting for a patella or some other such grand tissue, ligament, etc., from someone.  My surgeon told me that normally he wouldn't let me use a donor because my knee was not nearly as bad as Jill's (my cousin), but that since he knew that I wanted to get back out to Colorado asap, that he would make an exception for me.  Bless his heart.  My prayer is that this week they'll call me and tell me that two donors came in and that I can have surgery Friday or next Tuesday, but only God knows if that will happen.  Another prayer I have is that I can have surgery in these next two weeks, because if I can't, I'll have to wait until the last week in March because my surgeon is going on vacation the third week.  So I would definitely welcome any prayers that someone would throw my way.

I will also not lie that it was rough accepting that fact that I was coming back to Ohio for surgery.  I absolutely LOVE it out in Colorado, and while it wasn't always a fairy tale, I am most definitely looking forward to going back to it!  God has been wonderfully gracious though, in allowing me to understand why He brought me back here for this time.  He's already shown me several reasons as to why I'm back here, which has made it easier, knowing that He has me back here as part of His plan. 

Here is a verse that I am holding close to my heart as God's promise to me throughout whatever will happen with my knee; I think this verse is so powerful.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.  You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God.   -Ezekiel 36:26-28


Thursday, February 23, 2012

So here's the news: I will officially be flying out of the Springs at 6 on Saturday morning.  It will be with a sad heart that I'll be leaving, but God has been wonderful and has been giving me a joy and excitement to be going back to Ohio.  Reason: I'll be having surgery and therapy on my ACL.  Not too excited about that, but seeing as I'll have a dear cousin going through the same thing, I think I'll be able to make it.  Besides all that, I get to visit all my kids :D  which, I am uber excited about!  God has already provided a part time job for me, close to home, with flexible hours.  I'm so blessed :)  Anyway, short post, but I need to go wait for my ride to work!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  - Jeremiah 29:11


Sunday, February 12, 2012


God has a funny sense of humor..I'm going to admit that I don't always get it.  It would be so ideal to have my leg quickly heal and simply get better, but I'm sure He's got something wonderful in mind.  I'm not quite sure what all is going to happen yet, but I would love it if ya'll would keep praying for healing.  I do know that whether He decides to heal miraculously, or chooses to use a doctor to heal me, that He will be glorified and good absolutely will come out of it.

So working at the store has been so intriguingly interesting.  Right now I'm helping with stuff in the back, since my leg is not working the way it should.  I've experienced quite the conversations, and there are never any dull moments.  For example, yesterday was Saturday.  Great day, many giggles, I have decided though that those giggles were paint-fume induced.  What the guys were doing boggles my mind, but all I know is that one moment I was sane and the next I couldn't stop giggling.  It's been quite the adventure, and I'm so glad to be here. Oh, my room is officially black and blue now..the color is magnificent...and sometime I will post pictures, either on facebook or here, I have yet to decide which one.  So, do keep a lookout!  Anyhoo, it's time to go find some dreams!


Saturday, January 28, 2012

So this blog is officially for my mama :)  Last night I was playing volleyball; I jumped and landed and promptly fell down with a severe pain in my knee.  I was helped by two fabulous friends (though sadly who they were is all a haze now) over to the bench, where my sobbing knee was placed under inspection by a few people.  I decided it would probably be best to make my way back to my humble abode, so the ever gracious kramer drove me home.  We get home and she nicely takes my shoes off for me, fetches my pjs, got me water, meds and ice.  (She's awesome)  :)  I slept on the couch all night, a little fitfully, I might add; but all in all, I feel pretty rested.  I was told very emphatically that I'm not allowed to go to work today, which was a disappointment, since I really love what I'm doing; but oh well.  This morning, I went to the doctor's office, where they checked out my knee and very promptly told me to go get x-rays.  So off to the hospital Kramer and I traipsed.  I probably won't hear about the x-rays until Monday at my doctor's appointment, but pray that nothing's broken.  They won't be able to tell anything about the ACL I don't think, but I am just praying that I didn't tear it.  

I will not lie, it was a little hard not to be a bit angry at God about this, but as I kept on thinking, I started to wonder about  a few things.  Like, maybe He's telling me to simply be a Mary for now, to let Martha go and simply rest in Him.  I'm also beginning to be really excited about what He's going to do through this and how He'll be glorified!  It's kind of crazy exciting to think about it like that.  Anyway, I should probably post this before Kramer gets on my case about not having my foot up!  


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

        Today was my third day of work at the thrift store; I am LOVING it!  Already quite a few memories have been made and will forever be treasured.  :)  They trained me on the register, which was a breeze seeing as I've done register for like the past 4 and a half years.  They also decided that I get to take over for one of the girls moving to the Canon City store.  Basically, I'll get to make sure that the money and receipts go to the right people, etc.  I was rather wowed that in the first week I was trained in for that, but I feel it to be a privilege and an honor!  I'm also learning how to tag, hang, and put the clothes on the racks out on the floor. 
       It's been interesting finding to time to just sit still in the craziness that is NHM, but it's a grand craziness, full of our Awesome God and the amazing people that He has placed here.  I live with 8 girls (for now, there will eventually be 3 more girls added to the mix!); and it's like having a ton of sisters!  Every minute is full of some crazy or wonderful conversation, and each one of them is going to teach me something, I just know it.
        Well, that's all for now, folks! 


Thursday, January 12, 2012

I'm officially here at NHM!  It's been great, but rather tiring!  Tomorrow will be the fourth day of orientation and the last.  It's been wonderful being in orientation, but thankfully it's only a half day.  I'm so excited to see what God has to offer out here.  No doubt there will be rough times, but His plan for our lives isn't always roses. 
         So far, my adventures have consisted of taking a way too long route to supper, and having some already wonderfully jolly times with new pals!  I'm so blessed to already have several fabulously new friends (that are heading toward sisterhood)!  Enough for now :)