Skip to main content

He Is Good

The moment when you can't put into words how you are feeling, the moment when you long to be expressive because you are expressive.  You struggle with the words to say, feeling chained by this invisible vise-grip on your heart.  Begging deep inside your very soul for someone, anyone to hear your heart and understand.

Normally the story goes, "out of the darkness stepped...."  But, this story goes, "into the darkness He went".  Into the darkness, the brightest light there ever was...a light trampled down yet so strong the darkness lost the war before it was ever darkness.  And that powerful light came as something we would consider so very weak and helpless.  A baby, pure, innocent, void of any sin.  This baby grew into a man.  The Son of Man.  Ahhh, my heart can't even begin to grasped that He walked here.  He walked and He beheld all there was to see.  Went through every trial imaginable, felt every single moment of pain that could ever be had.  I have no doubt His soul, His heart was pierced many times from the rejections of people, His heart only to love.

It's crazy, our idea of love.  I feel, no, I don't just feel, I KNOW, that we have twisted what love is.  Love isn't always that "warm, mushy" feeling.  It isn't always comfortable.  Sometimes love comes in the form of consequences, sometimes it's downright painful.

I laugh to myself, because lately I've felt so entitled to "feel" God's love.  To experience that warm, comfortable reassuring feeling that I have decided lets me know God loves me.  Oh, but how far it is from just a feeling.  Do I get it?  No, not at all.  And sometimes, often times, my entitlement brings me to this place where I doubt.  I doubt that God is good.  I doubt His love.  I lose any gratitude that was once held in my heart.

Crazy though, how in my ungrateful, doubting mode, God still sees fit to give me gifts.  The most special came in the form of a friend tonight, who had the words to say what I couldn't.  "You want to trust so badly, but there is something just holding you back, and you can't get away from it.  It's like a prison."  Oh, the prison I too often find myself in.  There can be so many things that hold us back, but I think one of the largest is the heart void of or lacking in gratitude.

Pure thankfulness in each moment, knowing that no matter what happens we're saved by the grace of One much bigger than anything we could ever face.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Ahh, rejoice, pray, give thanks in all circumstances.  But wait, read the next part again.  "For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for YOU."  For me.  It's God's will?  How can it be His will for me to go through hard things?  Shouldn't it be a breeze once I've made Him a part of my life?  No.  It isn't easy.  I know it sounds cliche but He never said it would be, in fact, He said it would be a rough journey.  But the mind-boggling awesomeness of the hard stuff is that it brings a settled-ness (new word :)) to our hearts.  A peace in the middle of the harshest of storms that no one can understand unless you know Yahweh, Jehovah Shalom, Abba..........................................................

  Part of a song to leave you with by Sidewalk Prophets:

He's not safe at all
He might let you fall
He's not easy
But He's good
I know He's good
He will take your time
He might feel unkind
He will break you
But He's good, He's good, He's good
I know He's good


Popular posts from this blog

One Year Down--An Eternity to Go

I can't believe it has been a whole year already. If someone would have told me two years ago that I would be married for a year now, I would have told them they were crazy. I had my plans; I was quite over sitting around and waiting. Deciding to utilize four years to the best of my ability, I was in the process of making plans to move. But. A wedding in Colorado changed those plans. I was in the bridal party; and during the reception, I noticed this groomsman across the table. (pretty sure he winked me at one point, even though he says he did not). I was impressed by his intelligence and ability to have good conversation, but I adamantly told myself that this was not in my plans. As people were leaving the reception, I had managed to get into another conversation with him. Until that night, I had never believed that you could have a moment with someone that connected you to someone the way we did that night. I left frustrated because he was not on my agenda, but I wondered if I …

Mommy Guilt/Shame and the Need for Grace

I nannied for roughly 10 years, but all of that barely prepares you for the first two months of your own child's life. It barely scratches the surface of what all you can face.

Motherhood felt like it truly started in the second half of the second trimester, when suddenly I started getting incredibly itchy. I eventually spoke with my doctor about it, only to find out that what was causing the itchiness put a slight risk on my baby being a stillborn. The proposed plan was induction no earlier than 37 weeks, yet not waiting too much longer than that. Thirty-seven and a half weeks came, and the little munchkin arrived. *Cue hormone overload.* And then. In my hormone induced stupor, I heard them say that he had a small heart murmur, and we would need to get it checked out. My ears heard "small" but my heart heard, "he's not going to make it to the end of his first month." In my mind, he was similar to the plants I struggle to keep alive. So began a batch of emo…