Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Beginning of the Beginning of Trust

Valentines Day.  And I feel like I've already failed part of my Lent.  I want to be angry and frustrated and berate myself, but I'm learning that Jesus is asking none of these of me.  I don't understand His Father heart, though I long to.  Satan tries to very hard to get me to knock myself down with failure, and fear is extremely evident in me right now.  Is this part of learning to trust God's heart, that even in the mistakes and bumps that He is still good and that He is still in control?  If my Daddy is trying to teach me this, I want to reach out and accept that today.  Realization dawns that this is what it means to go to the foot of the cross, to the feet of the very One who died on that cross, and simply surrender, not only dreams and desires, but also mistakes and self-imposed failures.  To stop thinking that I am so much more important that I should be allowed to hang onto my pain, instead of taking it to Him.  To stop hoping that I don't have to go through that pain.  But, to start pouring out a heart of messy to a Savior of order, to start loving out of what He has done in my heart in spite of the deepest pain, and to glorify and honor in spite of circumstances.  If He is singing over me like He says He is (and He truly is), why do I throw away His song?  So in this new journey of trust, broken, scarred hands and heart, hold each other out, hold out the pieces and take another shaky new step toward His heart.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He WILL make your paths straight."
                                                                     -Proverbs 3:5,6

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